My husband and I have been married and making a home together for almost eight years, but I still feel new to the world of hosting. We’ve lived in a few different places and welcoming friends in has looked different in each home. However, there has been one common enemy each time I’ve put on my hostess hat.

It’s not our home’s limited square footage. It’s not my time constraints as a mom. And it’s not even my un-fancy cooking skills.

It’s the internet.

We live in an age when, with just a couple of taps and scrolls, we can see into hundreds of living rooms. That is truly so weird! As you and I prepare for hosting in our own homes, our phones allow us to assess and compare how other regular-seeming moms are pulling off hosting events that look straight out of a magazine. It ends up being pretty easy to think well, my house doesn’t look like that, so it’s not worth it. We have the desire to be hospitable and serve through our space, but sometimes without us even noticing, that desire gets overridden by a belief we absorbed that our homes are somehow not enough.

I want to push back on that belief. That feeling of inadequacy that comes up when we think about hosting can make us miss out on so many opportunities. If you are a mom to little ones with nap times or early bedtimes and you’re willing to have people come to your house, then you’re able to keep sleep schedules rolling while also enjoying time together with friends. We have the chance to build into friendships and serve the people that the Lord has put into our lives in a lot of very unique ways through hosting. But in order to experience all of that, we have to be willing to open our homes. So let’s bust up the thoughts that have been stopping us and talk about the only three things your home really needs to be welcoming.

1. Somewhere to sit.

A place on the couch; a kitchen chair; a spot on the living room rug. I think that if you have a little spot to sit then you have a home that’s ready to be welcoming, whether you’re in a little bitty apartment with your family, sharing space at your parent’s house, in an RV or in your dream home. If there is somewhere for a guest to sit with you, there is space to have a conversation—and conversation is the sweetest part of time with guests.

The space surrounding the place to sit does not have to be perfectly clean! Repeat after me: If small children live in my home, then my home is going to look like they live there. A stack of dishes in the sink won’t make your friend want to run away; if anything, it’ll make them feel validated in their own regular home that has the same evidence of life going on. Maybe they’ll even pick up a dishrag and help you with the stack while you catch up. Also, no one who comes to visit you has X-ray vision that can see through the wall to your unmade bed. All you really need to do is make sure there is a clear path from the door to where you’ll be hanging out. That’s it. (Well, maybe also just check on the bathroom if you have toddlers who are potty training.)

Yes, it is nice to walk into a home that smells good and feels peaceful—but when we let go of the idea of perfection in our homes and just clear a place to sit, there is so much more room for welcome.

2. Something to offer.

A cup of cool water; a hot cup of coffee; maybe, perhaps a baked good. Having something ready to offer is a way to make your home instantly welcoming and cozy. When I visit a friend or neighbor and they offer my kids a snack, it feels like a burden lifted off of me because I know their little bellies are full. Honestly, who doesn’t love a little treat?

This does not need to be fancy. Again, a cup of water counts as something to offer. When I host play dates, I will usually throw together a banana bread or a big tray of cheese and crackers with fruit. If we have friends in our home at lunchtime, I love making a soup in the crock pot so I don’t have to be actively prepping too much and I can just visit. When we’re hosting dinner, usually people are happy to bring something to help with the meal so all of the cooking isn’t up to me—and again, I keep those meals super simple. It doesn’t need to be complicated to be yummy.

The one thing I really love having for hosting is my espresso maker. It’s so fun to make coffees that feel like special treats for my friends. If you have a general game plan ahead of time for your go-to treats, it can make this little bit of welcome super easy for you to implement.

3. A hostess who guards her heart.

This might be a little 2005-Bible-study-cheesy—but I am going to talk about some very famous hostesses for a second. In Luke 10, Jesus goes to visit Mary and Martha. Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet, hanging on His every word. Meanwhile her sister Martha, in typical enneagram two fashion, is crashing out. The people need to eat, and why is no one helping?!

“Martha, Martha,” Jesus says to her, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42)

In other words: “Martha, Martha, you’re missing the point.”

What I’ve learned through the little bit of hosting that I’ve done is that for me, it can be so easy to miss the point. I can have the best intentions of serving others through my home or building into a relationship. Then, all of a sudden, I am rushing and worrying. I end up just thinking about how people will perceive my home; more accurately, how people will perceive me. The hosting tasks I do stop coming from a heart of love and find their roots in pride instead. I’m worried that no one will have a good time, worried that my home or my hosting reflects me in some not-enough way, anxious and full of comparison.

When those kinds of thoughts take over, not only my actions and words are affected. The entire atmosphere of my home shifts. I’ve heard it said that as moms, wives and homemakers, we are the thermometers of our homes. The way we’re feeling is how everyone else is going to feel. If we’re tense and protecting our pride, every single person in our house is going to feel that coming out in our hosting.

How much sweeter is it when we don’t miss the point—when we are truly pouring out love to the people within our homes? The sacrifices we make when we host are tangible ways for us to show our families and our guests that the love of Jesus is real. The work we do in making room for conversation and serving up little treats creates something incredibly beautiful: a safe space for us to share life with the people we care about. Choosing the better in the way we think about hosting can do nothing but create an atmosphere of welcome in our homes.

Hosting is not all about getting everything right or getting everyone fed on time—although, to keep things realistic, sometimes we gotta prep ahead like Martha if we want to soak in the goodness like Mary. But welcome is not a competition, or a burden we need to keep avoiding. Welcoming and blessing others is a blessing to us.

To make a welcoming home, what we need most of all is a willing heart. That’s about it.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. - 1 Peter 4:8-11a

What do you think makes a home welcoming? Leave a comment & share your thoughts!

Posted by Megan

Hey there, I’m Megan! You can usually find me dreaming up a new project with my husband, trying to figure out homeschool with my two girls while my little boy explores the pots and pans cabinet, or excavating a pile of laundry with coffee in my hand. We live in New England and our dog is named Moose.

Connect: @lilac.and.sparrow