The trenches (poem)
Three under five, yes, all mine.
I do have my hands full, I suppose.
there are lots of ways to describe this particular patch
I’m living in. some days my mind is
trained on beauty, laughter glimmers that
melt my heart and bits of
learning and life that send me spinning
but then there are the days when
the same phrases run through my head over and over:
days long, years short.
running low on sleep.
just a season that will pass, but
I’m in the trenches.
maybe it’s my love for most any movie set in wartime
or maybe it’s just the sheer viscera of this image:
me, in a trench. trudging.
it’s got itself stuck with me.
I’m trudging through stacks of dishes,
bickering matches, high chair messes,
laundry piles that may swallow me whole,
hungry baby cries, legos on the rug, and
always something gross on my shirt.
sometimes I wonder what I’m even doing here:
with whatever trudging steps I take, where am I going?
am I supposed to get out of the trench?
what am I trying to accomplish when I’m
this deep in the mud? am I drowning, maybe?
oh, actually—did I even sign up for this? I forget.
I’m trying to be better these days about
keeping my mind fixed where it’s supposed to be
and letting myself sit in the mud leads to nothing but
woe-is-me
but the trenches are real.
there’s a battle on and I am in the trenches
but my battle is not against the mud.
the dishes are not my enemy. the laundry is not my enemy, and
my children are certainly not my enemy.
the true enemy of my soul sits across the battlefield
shooting grisly darts of doubt and despair
and waiting for me to raise a white flag.
however, I am a bit blind, and
I wake up some days to set my
begrudging counteractions against the trench itself
instead of seeing it for what it really is:
mundane spectacularity, rest and engagement
my own forward line for the kingdom.
I look down at my own two feet and get bogged down
and I forget, I forget that I am not alone here.
Captain, today, let me tie my muddy boots,
raise my eyes and put on my helmet.
let me remember the call I followed and that
You know the battle plan when I can’t even see over the edge of the trench.
let me hold onto and hold up the soldier You gave me
linking arms in weakness and strength
let me take ground in hope even when I’m trudging
and let my children see that the battle is worth it.
in the trenches? yes I am. yes I will be still.
(though hopefully as years go on, less gross stuff will end up my shirt.)
I may get stuck in the mud from time to time
but I will plant the flag of joy in territory unknown
right where I’m supposed to be.
Posted by Megan
Hey there, I’m Megan! You can usually find me dreaming up a new project with my husband, trying to figure out homeschool with my two girls while my little boy explores the pots and pans cabinet, or excavating a pile of laundry with coffee in my hand. We live in New England and our dog is named Moose.
Connect: @lilac.and.sparrow
